What is the proper etiquette for inviting friends to our engagement party but not the wedding?

We are getting married in 10/2010 and my fiance and I volunteer in numerous fire departments and EMS agencies. We unfortunately can not invite everyone to our wedding but we want them to celebrate with us. Is there a way to invite people to our engagement party next summer but not the wedding? It will be a laid back atmosphere and we don't want them to bring gifts, just to come and enjoy the day with us.


Please help, how do I make this happen??
What is the proper etiquette for inviting friends to our engagement party but not the wedding?
That is actually against etiquette for engagement parties. You don't invite anyone not invited to the wedding. Try having a laid back reception or second reception you can invite them all to and explain to them that the wedding is small and intimate but you are having a large reception to celebrate with friends and family
Reply:Dear Dave,





Bill and I are giving a BBQ at Okeeheelee Park on Saturday 10 June and hope you'll join us. Come as you are and bring your favorite beverage. If there's someone special you'd like to bring, please let us know ahead of time.





Your friend, Lynn





Then at the party you announce your engagement and pop a few corks.That is, you don't give yourself an engagement party, you give your friends a casual party and use the occasion to let them know you have become engaged.





Inviting someone to this party does not obligate you to also invite them to other wedding related parties.


If you are asking how to word the invitation in a way that will oblige your friends to give you engagement gifts, there is no such animal in the etiquette bestiary.
Reply:No can do. It is not proper etiquette to invite people to an engagement party when they are not invited to the wedding also.





Best thing to do? Have a housewarming party after the wedding. Invite your friends then. Or wait until December. Make it a holiday open house.





But it would be better to have a barbecue or informal party AFTER the wedding and invite all at that time.





Engagement parties are only for family and very close friends . . . people who will definitely be invited to the wedding.





And as always, it is not proper etiquette for bride and groom to host a pre-wedding party for themselves. Engagement parties are usually hosted by family . . . parents or grandparents or aunts or uncles or older siblings. They are not hosted by bride and/or groom.





Sorry. But you did ask for the proper etiquette.
Reply:The proper etiquette is - - YOU DON'T INVITE ANYONE WHO ISN'T GOING TO BE INVITED TO THE WEDDING!





My only side thought on this is that if you tell them about the party verbally, and tell them they are welcome to come even though you are keeping the wedding to 'family only', then you might be able to skirt the rules of proper etiquette because you are not sending them a formal invite.





Oh, and since you are asking about etiquette - I really hope you know that you aren't supposed to throw your own engagement party.
Reply:I would say that this is something you shouldnt do, but since you are not requesting gifts (remember not to register anywhere other wise people will feel obligated) I believe it's okay. That way it doesnt seem you are just trying to get something out of them and still not have to pay for them to see the big day. I would send out formal invites with a small note something along the lines of, "since we will not be blessed with having all of our loved ones and friends by our side on our wedding day, we invite you to celebrate our engagement and our upcoming vowels..." This will let all of your guests understand that even though you are unable to have them all there for the big day, they are still important and want to share this special time with them.
Reply:I agree. Having a post-marriage celebration would be the better way to not hurt anyone's feelings for not being invited to the wedding.





And even though you will say no gifts are necessary, some people (like me) would feel compelled to bring something anyway.





I think the possible awkwardness over the non-invites to the wedding would make it better to just have something AFTER the wedding/honeymoon.
Reply:Be honest and tell them all the truth that you can't have them all at the wedding but want them to have fun with you now. They will understand and I did it for my wedding because we didn't want such a large wedding that we had a large engagement party and every one was happy. They will understand. Good luck.
Reply:Just invite them then let them know that it is only family and close friends at the wedding. People will understand alot of people have to cut their list when it comes to weddings. I AM!! The knot says if you start letting them know only family and close friends in the first place it will be ok. I strongly agree!
Reply:No you can not do that. Either there in or out.


How would you feel if some one did that to you.





Hello my name is Shauntia Edwards and I am a Proff Bridal Consultant in Cincinnati, Ohio. My company is called "I Did" By Shauntia Edwards.
Reply:You can't. You can invite a bunch of people over and at the end of the night announce oh we wanted to tell you we are engaged. But that's all.





Telling people not to bring gifts almost never works
Reply:you really can be on the boarder if this is a good or bad thing... I agree with a few others...maybe a nice bash after the wedding... that way it doesn't look like a gift grab.