Advice on who to invite to our wedding...?

Could anyone share their experiences/opinions on these few things? I feel like our wedding list is getting too high but I'm not sure where the wiggle room is...





Did you invite kids to your wedding or have it adults only, and what would you recommend? Is it acceptable to invite some kids and not others?





Is it always necessary to include "%26amp; Guest" on invitations to singles?





Did you try to have the number of guests from each side of the family (bride and groom) be as equal as possible?





Thanks very much!
Advice on who to invite to our wedding...?
I'm going to pass on Miss Manners' views here, but bear in mind that it is more important to please your family and future in-laws than to rigidly adhere to etiquette.





Kids: It's OK to have an 'adults only' wedding, but you can't invite some and exclude others. The exception to this the children and young siblings of the bride and groom can be included while all other children are excluded. But if your bridesmaid's 2 year old is allowed to attend, then EVERYBODY'S 2 year old must be eqaully welcomed.





Equal guests on both sides. The respective families should be negotiating this one, as it is very complex. Assuming that the bride's family is paying the bills, they are in a difficult position when their own family is small and the groom's family is numerous. However, as hosts, they are certainly within their rights to insist on a small wedding. If the groom's family wants a huge affair, it is perfectly proper for them to hold a dance, tea, reception, or other festive event after the honeymoon, so as to introduce the new couple to their own social circle.





And guest. Oh dear, this one can really upset people, but it is NEVER correct to write "and guest" on invitations to social (rather than business) events. If you want Cousin Betty's live in boy friend to come, then you must invite him by name. In no case should guests be given reign to invite guests of their own -- a wedding is not a disco and one should not expect to bring a date. (Do you really WANT to allow people to entertain guests of their own at your expense?)





I think you are really going to need a lot more detailed advice from Miss Manners, like tips on how to politely (but effectively) enforce your wishes on this one. Also, it would be helpful to have a Miss Manners book act as referee between dueling families, relieving you and your intended of the role. Her books are widely available at stores and at libraries. If your own library doesn't carry her, ask for an interlibrary loan; I am sure you will find it worth the trouble. (Her real name is "Judith Martin". The books are easy and fun to read and full of GREAT advice for brides and families.)





Added later: Advice along the lines of "it's YOUR wedding and you can do whatever you want" should be firmly ignored. You have a great deal of responsibility to your guests and your families in this -- resist those who urge you to indulge in an orgy of self centered thoughtlessness and overspending.
Reply:Q1 - don't kinds make a wedding more of a family affair? We already have 2 small children so for us not to invite others would've been a bit strange. But having children (in my opinion) makes the day more fun.


Q2 - I thought the same as you, we didn't put 'guest' on the singles invite 'cos, quite frankly, I didn't want to be looking at somebody who wasn't really meant to be there and who was the latest one night stand. For those in relationships we included their names on the invite.


Q3 - my other halfs numbers were higher than mine, but that was fine.





The way we looked at it was that we wanted those there that we classed as family (ie close friends) and not those family members who we hadn't seen for years and would've been there 'cos somebody said we should. I guess what I'm saying is that please remember its YOUR day and you do whatever you want, it you don't want so and so then DON'T and if you want your mate from up the street then go for it. Stick to your guns, on the other hand, if your into the in-laws and your family getting to do their lists then so be it and get ready for the input and requests to keep coming. Enjoy your day whatever.
Reply:It's nice to have the sides equal but not necessary. My cousin had 5000 guests. My uncle invited all his business associates and took the wedding off on his income tax. I'm not a big fan of kids at a wedding but if you invite one 10 year old, you have to invite them all. Unless they're in the wedding party. No, it is not necessary to add "%26amp; guest" unless you know they are serious with someone. Hope I helped...
Reply:You get to make those choices and no one is allowed to complain. It is your day for marriage, not thiers.








I will bring the potatoe salad!!
Reply:Hi and congrats! Kids should always be invited to weddings; they are part of the celebration, too, and part of the larger group of family and friends who are wishing you well. Don't pick and choose, however, that would get really dicey. You should only be inviting people, relatives and friends who you really want at your wedding anyway, so don't make that a problem.


On invites to singles, you must add -and guest. It's just too mean to invite someone without letting them have a date, so they have someone to sit with and dance with.


All things being equal between the family, it's good to have roughly the same number of people from each side of the family. However, that doesn't always work, so don't let that sway you. Your budget is what should determine how many people you will be hosting. You and your man have worked hard for your money, and you want to have the best wedding celebration value you can afford.


Good luck!
Reply:First thing to remember is that this is your wedding and you can invite whomever you want, also remember that if you make it adult only that a lot of your adult only friends will not be able to make because they have kids and no babysitter. When it comes to single friends you should let them bring a guest if they choose too that way they will also join in when it is time to dance and not feel awkward. When my wife and I did our invitations, we pretty much made a list of who we wanted to invite which was around 200 invitations, when all was said and done we had about 150 show up. It is totally up to you on who you invite, but if you are trying to limit the amount then you should probably leave out some people who you aren't 100% sure you want to invite. Hope this helps, there are some pretty good websites that will help you out on the proper etiquette for wedding you should check them out they are really helpful for both bride and groom.
Reply:hiya.. its important to actually want the people who you've invited - don't invite them just for the sake of it or because your scared they'd get mad (you can always invite them to the party after and explain there isnt much room)..





you should invite any children in the family but friends children dont need to be invited (they'll only stick with their parents anyway!)..





if the singles have other good friends who are coming then you do not need to add 'and guest' (if they're with a long term partner they should be invited), you can always say they can bring a guest to the party..





it doesn't matter about being equal..





hope it helps x
Reply:You don't have to invite kids, but it really is sort of an all or none deal. The only exceptions are flower girls and ring bearers since they are part of the wedding party. You don't have to include %26amp; guest on the invitation, unless there is a significant other that should be included (boyfriend, fiancee.) If you know your friend or relative is single, and is not seeing anybody, then you can just put your friend's name on the invitation (although they may feel lonely if they don't bring someone they know and can talk to throughout the reception.) The numbers don't have to be equal to each side, but your ushers should make sure there is a balance at the church. You should allow each side to start with an equal amount, but perhaps one side won't need as much. I would recommend writing an A list and a B list. Your A list are absolute invites and your B list is if you have wiggle room. For most events, the average is about 30% no shows, and you can usually gauge who will show or not. For example, your aunt who lives in the same time wouldn't miss it, but a 2nd cousin who lives 2000 miles away probably won't fly in.





www.abcustom.com has a special Microsoft Access database you can request that can keep track of your guest list (requires that you have Access software).
Reply:I'll come...
Reply:I didn't have (didn't want) a big wedding...But I did help plan my sisters. She had kids invited to her wedding because she enjoyed kids, she also had kids IN her wedding. Usually evening weddings are adults only because of the lateness of the festivities though. If you are under money contraints and can't pay for all the food and beverages then don't put "and guest" on all invitations to singles. It is however good manners to invite someone's fiance or long time significant other especially if they have been a part of family events in the past. Considering that families come in all sizes it is almost impossilbe to keep both sides equal but you can at least try...But how are you going to admit the 10 aunts and uncles on one side just because you have only one of each on the other side?
Reply:You don't have to invite kids. I know lots of families with kids and only the parents are invited. Try to make the invitations as elegant as possible.
Reply:I would always advise to invite children. They enjoy weddings too, and are generally well-behaved during the ceremony. I think you could invite only a few kids, as long as you didn't make it obvious to other parents that some kids were allowed, just not theirs.





I think on most single invitations, %26amp; Guest is expected. People feel more comfortable when they're able to bring another relative or close friend to be with at someone else's wedding.





I don't think it really matters about the number of people from each side. Invite whoever you feel you want to be there, and nobody will be upset. As long as its not highly distinguisable that one of you has more people, it shouldn't be a problem. Hope this helps!