Was I rude to invite others?

I got a call from a buddy of mine the other night about a poker night he's putting on. during the conversation I asked him if it was alright if I brought two friends along with me. He doesn't really know them and he kind of hesitated and hummed and hawed when I asked. Now he's saying he might not be having it after all. I think I may have put him on the spot when I asked. Anyways, my question is...is it rude, or does it go against party etiquette, to invite other people along when only I was invited?
Was I rude to invite others?
You asked, you didn't demand. When he hemmed and hawed you probably should have taken that as a clue and backed out yourself. But you did nothing wrong.
Reply:Actually, unless your friend specifically mentioned bringing others along it was probably not right to ask to bring others. Maybe he intended to only have a few people and felt put on the spot.
Reply:It is not rude at all. It is actually a way for all your friends to expand the circle they live in. However, if he hawed about it you should have realized that he did not want anyone else but you to go. You should have retracted your question and said something like hay it no big deal I would love to come they don鈥檛 need to come too. You never know what is going on in his mind; your invite may have ruined his plans of having just a few close friends over. Good luck.
Reply:Well, it sounded like maybe your friend had a set amount of people he wanted in the game. So you unintentionally put him on the spot.





It's only rude to invite additional guests without asking the host first. What you did was not rude. If he wasn't comfortable with it, he should have just said, "Actually, the game is full already, but we'll try to get your friends into the next one."
Reply:Don't invite other people to come places with you. If he wanted more than just you there, he would have asked if you had any friends that might want to play too. As it was, he probably already had enough people for a good game and didn't need any more players.
Reply:Inviting others is far different than requesting if others may attend.





As a general rule you should only ask if another can attend in certain circumstances such as





- the person is your significant other


- is visiting you that day


- you have already made plans with the person that day.





It can be putting somebody on the spot. Extra people to accommodate,more refreshments, more space and more work.





It is best not to ask, if you would like to include people or have the mingle with people outside their general peer circle, you hold the gathering.





It generally does go against etiquette to ask in certain situations, and it most definitely does to arrive with unannounced guest which you have invited.
Reply:Yes, it is against party etiquette to invite other people whom the host dosen't know and have no intention of inviting. By suggesting it, you are putting him on a spot which they don't like. He said they are not having it after all to shake you off rather than tell you you can't bring the 2 friends along. What you did is a sure way to get yourself uninvited. What makes you think that your 2 friends can get along with this host and whether this host will like them? Don't do such a thing again.
Reply:It would have been rude to just show up with the unexpected guests, so I don't think you were rude, per say. But card games can be touchy. If it were a regular party it would have been fine. But at card games, you're dealing with people's money, sometimes there's only so much room at the table, and some people think "friends" at the table can influence the game. Most people would have just let you know either way when you asked, but I think your buddy just doesn't have many social skills.





If it was a closed party, or he could only accomodate a certain number of people, then he should have said, "Maybe next time, we've already got enough to fill the seats," instead of getting all uncomfortable for no reason. Now he's going to stop the party, or lie to you about stopping the party, and all he had to do was just answer a question. Poor thing, bless his heart, I'm sure he didn't mean for it to turn into this big thing...





To make it good this time, just call him up and say your two friends called you and said they had something else come up, and you wanted to know if you could still come for the game. Next time, maybe you should pose your question in a way that he can comfortably say no. Something, like, "Is it an open game? Have you already got enough people, or can I bring some friends?"
Reply:I think you did the right thing by asking him. You gave him enough respect to ask. I mean you didnt just show up at his house with extra people in tow. You asked which was the right thing to do. Id just tell him, I dont have to bring these people thats why I was asking if it was ok to. If you say I shouldnt all is still good.
Reply:Not rude. You asked him and he said ok. If he didn't want any one else there he should have so. Poker/game nights are often casual...at least with my friends...and it's usually a more the merrier type attitude.





Perhaps you should have picked up on his hesitation and taken back your request to invite your friends...but really...how were you to know why he was hesitating.





Now...time to clear the air with him. Let him know that you really enjoy the poker games with him and wish he'd continue to host them. Also... if you made him uncomfortable or put him on the spot...that you're sorry...and ask that in the future he tells you straight up what he's thinking...that you'll understand.
Reply:I don't know about rude...but you should have thought about the question before asking it. He probably isn't comfortable playing poker around someone he doesn't know. At least you didn't just bring them and not ask. If he didn't want them to come, I'm sure he could have just said so and you'd understand. Maybe he didn't like being put on the spot though.
Reply:Actually, contrary to quite obviously popular belief based on readin your other answers, it's very rude to invite others along to a party. Especially if the person who invited you doesn't know the people you want to bring. It's nice that you asked first, but even presuming you could bring some friends along was pretty rude on your part.
Reply:Strictly speaking, it's rude to ask to bring others along to an invitation-only party unless asked to do so by the host. It would probably have been better for you to firstly ask if he had enough numbers for the night, and then offer to fill the gaps with your friends.





There could be a myriad of reasons he doesn't want two other unknown friends in his home, and you should respect that.
Reply:I don't think you were being rude at all. I think the only way I would had considered this rude is if you brought them anyways after he said no. At least you asked. =)
Reply:It was not rude of you to ask, in fact it was the polite thing to do. All he had to do was say no. Like the others said, it WAS a social gathering he was proposing, not a funeral. Now, if you would have just brought some friends without asking, that would have been rude.





I think you are reading too much into the situation. I don't think your question was offensive enough to cause him to call off the gathering. There may be numerous reasons for this.
Reply:No, you weren't rude so long as you asked permission instead of implying you were just going to do this (my husband and his friends do this all the time and it drives me nuts!).





What WOULD have been rude is to just invite your friends to poker night without even mentioning it to the host, or saying "great! I'll bring some friends!".
Reply:I wouldn't say rude - since you just wanted to bring more people to a poker game. The problem is:





1) he may have already had all the people for poker he wanted. 4-5 is good, 7-9 is too many.


2) he may not have felt comfortable with people he doesn't know playing poker. It is for money and some people can be very rude when playing.





So - I think it is against etiquette unless there is a good reason (i.e. my brother is in town, can he come too)
Reply:I don't think it is rude to ask if you can bring more people along. Especially for things like poker and games, it's usually "The more the merrier" not to mention a better jackpot if you're playing for money.





If you feel like asking may have influenced his decision to cancel the game, talk to him about it.