Do i have to invite his ex to our wedding?

My fiance has two children wit his ex girlfriend of 4 years. In the beginning of our relationship he slept with her once whic i did not find out until later. My fiance and I are okay and I am even decently civil with her because our children obvioiusly are siblings. I want his other children to be in/attend the wedding but I do want her present on my day of happiness. My fiance says its up to me but I know his family will be mad if i dont invite her because they still keep her around and believe she is queen because she had his children first. What to do?
Do i have to invite his ex to our wedding?
We attended my father's wedding without my mother but we were also teenagers. As much as this may annoy you, it's much easier to just invite her and let her decide what she's going to do. While a lot of folks daydream, well those that have been dumped may daydream, about ruining their exes wedding very few people would do that. As much for the kids, who sound relatively young, as for your own self--because I'd hate for you to wonder if he only went through with it because she wasn't there--just invite her so she can share in their joy with them. If she does act crazy she can be escorted out and your future in-laws will get to see her in a different light. She doesn't have to be seated with you at the reception but just extend the invitation.





I plan on sending an invitation to my boyfriends first set of in-laws (his wife died) and while I don't expect them to attend I want them to know they were thought about and we acknowledge their place in his life.
Reply:If you want her present, and your groom wants her present, then invite her?





Unless you mean you don't want her present.
Reply:OK this is harsh - but needs said.





You deserve better than this. You can do better than this unfaithful, unsupportive lout who will only make you a doormat. He's bad news.





Dump this guy. Not because you don't love him. Love has absolutely nothing to do with it. It's because he hasn't made it clear to his family that he and EX are through - Because he and EX are not through.





He's still sleeping with her even if only in his mind.





Ditch him. Ditch his family. Cancel the wedding. You will never, ever, ever measure up to EX. No matter what you do, no matter how many children you have by this "man" no matter how nice you are to grandmaw - you will never, ever, ever be as good as EX.





See, it's not just your wedding but it's every birthday, thanksgiving, christmas, easter, holiday, graduation, christening, church social, and family reunion. She will be there - or her "ghost" will be there. You will always be the "booby prize" in his family's eyes. Is this what you really want? I hope not!





Thing is, this family is losing a really nice gal - who is probably the best thing their son could ever find. But they're too blind/stupid/close-minded/ etc. to see it.





So leave him. That's the bottom line. Leave while you still can. Let him cry. Let him beg. Let his stupid family comfort him. But get out now. Don't stand for this kind of disrespect from this nest of cockroaches.





Sorry but that's the way I see it.





And again, darling, you deserve better than this.
Reply:I personally wouldnt.. That is your day.. I wouldnt want the Ex there stealing my light! His parents will have to get over it you are the NEW queen!!!!! Its great to have his children there but just because she is their mother you dont have ANY obligation to invite her! Do you want to risk her being there and ruining the day??


Good luck, and congrats!!!!!!!!!
Reply:If you are uncomfortable with having your fiance's ex at the wedding then don't have her their. It doesn't matter what other people think. It is your day and if it bothers you now it will bother you throughout your wedding day. How old are her children? Can they come on their own or is there someone else that can bring them or drop them off? My friend is getting married to a man who has an 9 year old son. The son is invited to the wedding but not his ex wife. The son is flying out with his father, my friends fiance, before the wedding. Do what makes you happy. I don't think I would ever invite an ex to my wedding.
Reply:Since you say you "do want her present", by all means invite her. And don't be mad at his family because of how they treat her. You are marrying someone with a history.
Reply:I would never invite his ex to the wedding just because it's what his family would want. If you don't like her or would be uncomfortable with her there, then don't let her come. It's your day to be the center of attention.
Reply:if you're not comfortable about this, dont invite her. its your day also. not his or your family. if they get upset and cant understand, they'll get over it.
Reply:You do what makes you comfortable. Invite the kids, not her.
Reply:ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! His children should be at the wedding, however, they can be taken care of by a brother, sister, parent....not his ex. You should NOT have to feel like you need to invite the ex to your wedding. Not only would the ex probably be incredibly uncomfortable seeing her former husband getting married to another woman, but it would ruin your day. You are the one getting married...it is your call. If his family has a problem with it, they can throw their own party and invite her.
Reply:you need to remember this is your and your fiance's special day and you do not want anything or ANYONE to ruin it. Let it known that you would love to have the children there (grandma and grandpa can bring them?) but that his ex is not invited. I would assume your fiance and his parents would be understanding. I wish you the best in your wedding and future.
Reply:NOOOOOO!!! First off my husband's ex tried to get herself invited to our wedding by being someones date. I put my foot down. She actually admitted to wanting to go to start trouble and sent several emails to him after the wedding about why she wasn't marriage material! She is the past you and the children are the future. Marriage is about a journey forward. If his parents are insisting maybe allow her to the reception. You have enough going on walking down the isle without thinking you may need to stop and clobber her with your heel if she acts up!
Reply:i agree with Dee S...
Reply:Been there done that, and I agree with Audie.(see above) she put it out there very well......





It is YOUR wedding.





You are marrying the man, and because she is his ex, there really is no reason for her to be there. Does it really matter what his family thinks? If they suggested she should go on your honeymoon with you, you'd probaby freak, so tell them nicely that this is your day.





Especailly this part!!!......


If the kids are young enough to need supervision grandma and grandpa can do the honors.
Reply:I wouldn't invite her and your fiance should back you up to his family. It's not appropriate for an ex to be at a wedding unless all the involved parties are friends.
Reply:it is great that you can be cordial because of the children. it is also good that the kids get along. but your wedding is just that, YOUR wedding day. you can invite or not invite whoever you want. this is a day that comes around once. (hopefully). i am sure you do not want to look back and see pictures of her there with your husband, also knowing that they had a slight indiscretion. oh no, girl! forget about the family. this is about you and your happiness. family is family, but sometimes people need to mind their own business. if they think she is queen, who gives a hoot. you will be the queen on your wedding day because your fiance chose you girl!!! the family will get over it. Good luck and all the best on our upcoming nuptials!!!
Reply:This is your day and your decision. You do not have to invite her unless you want to. Someone else can bring the children, such as grandparents, or your fiance can pick them up the night before. Your in-laws should understand you are to be their son's wife means you are first...ex-girlfriends 2nd.
Reply:i would invite her but be a total b*tch to her and make sure she knows that its your day and he is your man a rub it in her face dont worry about his family if he loves you their opinion wont matter dont drag the kids into the war though keep it seclusive just you and her and maybe your best friend or somethin....then agian i'm a b*tch myself you seem very nice to nice to do somethin like that...not that its bad its actually a good thing...
Reply:Personally, I wouldn't invite her, other relatives can bring the kids. Normally we invite our friends and loved ones to our weddings, not people we are civil with.


I should not matter what his parents think it isn't their wedding. Don't cave in to pressure.
Reply:It is YOUR wedding. You are marrying the man, and because she is his ex, there really is no reason for her to be there. Does it really matter what his family thinks? If they suggested she should go on your honeymoon with you, you'd probaby freak, so tell them nicely that this is your day. If the kids are young enough to need supervision grandma and grandpa can do the honors.
Reply:Here's an interesting twist to the question. Why would she want to go to your wedding? Wouldn't that be equally as awkward for her as it would be for you? Unless she's a vindictive evil *****, or her children are in the wedding party, I doubt she would want to go anyhow. It doesn't sound like you have entirely hateful feelings toward this woman and if it would keep your inlaws off your back and keep your stepchildren happy, why not just invite her? It definitely won't make your relationship with her any more civil by inviting her children and deliberately leaving her name off the invitation. As long as she doesn't intend to turn it into a Jerry Springer wedding or anything, I don't see the harm in inviting her. Remember, you're going to be so busy that day greeting people and dancing and cutting cake and throwing bouquets, etc. that you'll hardly remember who was actually there anyway. You won't have time to let her make you uncomfortable. (Heck, lots of brides don't even get to eat at their own receptions!) Whatever you decide to do, remember that there are children involved and you must consider their needs above your own. Good luck and congratulations!
Reply:No do not invite. I did, it was bad. I thought it would make it easier on the kids. It was bad. I dont care what the inlaws think. His ex was their best friend. By the time my day was over, everyone thought he had married her. I was furious and the kids with mom there were horrible.
Reply:I guess I disagree with everyone.





They keep saying "its your day". But I say its HIS day, too! He is marrying you and is proud that his relationship with this woman has evolved into a friendship/coparenting style.





What are you afraid of? That she will step forward when the minister says "if anyone knows why these parties should not be joined in matrimony step forward"!!!!
Reply:The children can be there without the mother. I would not invite her. That is a disaster waiting to happen and besides you don't need to worry about what his family thinks. This relationship is between you and him and after the excitement of the wedding is over you have to live with him not anyone else. Good luck.
Reply:I wouldn't invite her. I think by including her children in the wedding, you are right to do so. But you have no obligation to her. Its the kids you have an obligation to, since they are your future stepchildren. You just have to be civil with her.
Reply:Well, since she is going to be involved in your life from now on (don't kid yourself that she won't), you better start off on the right foot. Make sure that your behavior is above reproach, and she will just look silly. Then, inlist your family to keep her in line at the reception.





If you are dead set in widening the gulf of resentment and hostility, then ask his mother if she could watch the children at the ceremony and reception.





It's not YOUR day... it belongs to both of you, and your family. And, that includes all of his children. Don't be selfish... rise above. But, if it just not in your soul to do so, then you and his ex need to sit down and talk before things spiral out of control. You need to blend families, not pit everyone against everyone else.
Reply:it is YOUR day and is one of the happiest days of your life. You should not have someone there to witness such an important event if you have a bad relationship or if it will upset you. His family may be mad, but in the end the only thing that matters is how you and your Fiance feel. Nothing should take away from you enjoying your wedding!!!





Good luck and congratulations.
Reply:Oh girl I know what you are talking about.. I say NO.. the grandparents can bring them..She should not be there. That is your day!!