Do I have to invite my brother-in-law to my wedding?

I had a falling out with my brother-in-law [sister's husband] a year or so ago over some personal issues relating to his treatment of her. I don't have a single good thing to say about him and because of this, in an effort to remain civil, I avoid being in the same room with him and keep my conversations short and to the point when we are. I can't even look him in his eyes.





The thought of seeing at him on my wedding day along with having him immortalized in my pictures and video makes me sick to my stomach and really angry. But I also know my sister would likely be hurt if I didn't invite him and she's already smarting from being left out of the bridal party [ which is a whole other story]. I do want her there because the thought of her missing from my day makes me sad but I run the risk of him coming if his name is even listed on the invite. How can I get work through this extremely touchy situation?
Do I have to invite my brother-in-law to my wedding?
There are lots of questions on Yahoo! Answers that ask what people should do about feeling certain ways about certain people in their lives. The questions are very different, depending upon the people %26amp; situations, but I can't stress enough in all of my answers how important honesty %26amp; communication is.





You should get your sister alone someday soon %26amp; have a peaceful conversation about your feelings. Tell her that you desperately want her there on your special day but feel more than awkward inviting her husband, after your falling out. Tell her you don't like the way he treats you %26amp; ask her why she puts up with it. Letting it fester without being addressed is only going to make things worse. Perhaps it's best that this wedding is coming up, because it forces you to deal with it.
Reply:I'm so glad things seemed to work out for you. Report Abuse

Reply:It's your wedding and you should be happy, and as your sister even though it bugs her she should honor your wishes on your day. I would say no. If you haven't forgiven him.
Reply:If your sister is married to that man they he will have to come. I know that sounds bad but think of this, no matter how much you hate this man, you are going to be too busy with everything else to be worried about him. As far as pictures, he isnt in the bridal party so the professional pictures wont be ruined. Take tons of pics of your sis. A few pics of both of them may surface, but i wouldnt be worried about it. Just focus on your wedding to the man you love.





If she comes though, unless he tells her he wont come, he will...





I wouldnt sacrifice what i have with my sister just because her partner is a jerk- her being there should be your only care.





Be cordial but you dont have to be friends with him!
Reply:Well you got two things to think about and thats do you really want your brother n law there? Or do you know that the only way your sister will come is if hes there too.


You need to look at it that your sister is a adult and if she takes his bull then thats her letting him win, but I know how your feeling because I got a sister that is being treated the same way, and I don't go around her what ever either. But to she has always been invited to my kids bday parties, and I tell her that I do not want him in my home, so even though I love my sister and want her here, im not going to have someone here that I don't like whats so ever. but thats totally up to you. On your wedding day you want good memories, and if your going to dewell on him even being there and dreading it then , I wouldn't and I would talk to my sister about it and tell her it's not her ,,, but you do want her there.
Reply:I know you'll probably get people saying that you should invite him for your sister's sake, but this is a day that belongs soley to YOU and YOUR GROOM. You should not be made to feel uncomfortable by inviting someone you truly do not like, for ANY reason. Explain how you feel to your sister and let her know how much you want her there. It won't be an easy talk, but hopefully, she'll be understanding. List her name only on the invite and leave his out. And have a wonderful and happy day, hon! The best to you and your groom!
Reply:You will be FLAT OUT on your wedding day. You won't have time to stop or think. Everybody there is going to want a piece of you, to talk to you, congratulate you ect. You wont have time for much more than a brief hello with most people. If you are having a receiving line a the reception smile, shake his hand and say thankyou for coming. That's all the contact you need to have with him. I have this same problem with my brothers girlfriend. I REALLY don't want her at my wedding, but I do want my brother and my two nephews who I adore there so I kind of have to invite her. This is how I will be dealing with it (thankyou mum for your advice :) )
Reply:yeah, this is a toughie. I think if you invite her, you technically, should invite him. Otherwise, you shouldn't invite either of them.





If you invite only her, and he finds out...he sounds like the kind of person who will make your sister's life miserable, and probably won't let her to go. If your sister is under his thumb, then she won't come anyways. And then you'll be even MORE mad at him...





Ugh, and that's just TOO much drama to deal with.





You should invite them as a couple. She is married to him, whether or not you like him.
Reply:I completely understand where you are coming from. My siblings and myself dislike my step father (he molested me and tried to get to my sister as well). When my sister graduated, she told me mom straight out that he was not invited. My mother told her that if he was not invited, then she would not come. Neither one wanted to give in. In the end, my mom did not go to my sister's graduation and it has damaged the relationship even more. I agreed with my sister in this situation that it was her graduation and she should have the right to invited whom she pleased. I believe this applies in your case. Explain to you sister that while you do not want to hurt her feelings, you do not want this man at you wedding. She can either swallow her pride and share your day with you or boycott. It's her option.
Reply:If you want your sister at your wedding, then yes you need to invite him. There is no reason why you couldn't limit his involvement in pictures (have one or two for your sister). You will be busy working the room and talking to other people to even know he is there. There is also a possibility that he might decide not to go.


If your sister was not a close friend of the bride to be, she should not be upset about not being in the wedding party.


Just because she is your sister does not mean the bride is obligated to have her as a bridesmaid.
Reply:Normally my answer to questions about inviting someone you dont like is that it is your wedding and you should invite who you want to. This is your sister though and regardless of how your bil treats her, she is the one who has decided to stay with him and take his treatment. She is also responsible for the way he treats her if she allows it. If you are going to invite her then you should invite him too. Instead of feeling angry because he is there, think of how much more enjoyable it will be for her to have him with her. It sounds like you've already hurt her feelings for not including her in the wedding (I'm sure you have a very valid reason) and so to not include him would hurt her even more.
Reply:you dont have to do anything you don't want to do. and you have already proven that. your own sister isnt in your wedding party. So hey why stop now. let your sis know that its your way or the highway. Make her feel a little worse about her situation with her husband (whatever that is). Unless this man is a murderer (or a child molester) i would not keep my sister from attending the wedding or further demean her by letting her know just how foul i though her husband was. After all it is YOUR day right? And it doesnt have anything to do with sharing the sanctity of your marriage vows with friends and family. Its about getting YOUR way!(ever seen bridezilla?) I am not sure why you are bothering asking the question anyway. You know you will do what you want to anyway. By the way, i can assure you, your way of being civil by leaving a room when he enters or keeping your answers short and "to the point" is an awesome way to show everyone that everything is about you even when its not your wedding too. People make me sick sometimes.
Reply:You're not required to invite anyone. Invite your sister and tell her privately and as kindly as possible that you want her to come but just don't feel comfortable having him there given your feelings about him. Tell her that you hope she understands and will be there for you...but if she refuses to come without him, just tell her that you're sorry she won't be there and you'll miss her.